Sanity is Just a State of Mind…

Well, mom’s cancer and my depression (and loneliness, boy do people drop out of sight when illness is in the picture) has really caught up with me.  So, this will be short.

Laura had to go back into the hospital last Friday (so much for Good Friday) because her blood clot in her leg isn’t going down…maybe even got worst.  She spent the weekend in the hopsital (where we argued by phone constantly), and then she got transferred to a different nursing facility.  The other one was giving inadequite care.  All we seem to do anymore is argue.  I know it’s because I’m the only one she has to fight with, but it really hurts.

I don’t know how to deal with any of this.  What if she stays in the nursing home for the rest of her life?  She hates life and wishes she were dead, and I can’t blame her.  But I don’t know how to deal with this by myself anymore.  I feel this huge depression falling over me.

The fact that I have little family except for Uncle Clinton doesn’t help.

I heard from my friend.  I don’t know what to make out of it.  When I get him on the phone he’s chatty Cathy, inevitably, it’s a bad time for me, and we both say for me to try later, and I always seem to get his voice mail.  Called him on Easter while I was at my friends house figuring I’d get his voice mail – and he answered.  Scared the sh*t out of me.  He did come right out and ask me how old I was.  So, I lied.  I would tell him eventually if things went anywhere…

And I’m so low, (how low are you?), I answered one of Pablo’s emails.  I know.  Big mistake.  See what happens when I hit bottom?