Sanity is Just a State of Mind…

So far, in the six days since my mom was put in the hospice center temporarily while I was sick (and now she is too) at least four or five people have said, with all good intentions, that maybe it’s where my mom should stay.  Less stress on me, plus she’s be getting full care.  It brings me to the point of hysteria every time.  I should be taking care of my mother.  She should be home, surrounded by myself and the animals she loves that bring her such joy.  I want her to be here when the time comes for her passing, not in some home where nothing looks familiar.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy.  But this week of being sick has given us both some time to relax and catch up on sleep.  This is where I want her.  And she sounds so depressed at the hospice center.  She was in tears the other day.  I know most can’t understand, but our “four legged babies” mean the world to both of us.  They’re what keep us going when the light at the end of the tunnel doesn’t seem to be shining.  Obviously, if it DID become too much, if her mind goes first, I may have to reconsider.  But right now, she belongs with me.  Is that so selfish?  That I WANT to take care of my mom through this?  She saw me into this world, I’d like to see her out.  Any comments would be appreciated, as I’m so confused right now as to what is best for her.

I’m still sick as a dog.  Waiting for the rest of the symptoms to subside.  I hate the way my body rebels against me when it feels like it.  Haven’t had that major of a problem with my fibro in some time.  Since this weekend, and the storm,  I can barely move my hands.  I’m so sick of this shit.  My knees are cracking every time I move them, and my back feels like someone took a hot poker and just poked at a few discs.

I think I’ll slink back to bed…